Chaos and Confusion
by Starsinger
Summary: Crossover between Stargate SG1 and XMen. What happens when they test new recruits using the XMen? Well, a game of Slap Jack of course!


Chaos and Confusion

by Starsinger

Brought on by the episode "Proving Grounds." I thought it would be funny if the X-Men got in on the act. I mean, how often are they going to have to come up against super-powered beings? No, wait, don't answer that. This takes place during _Damned if I Do, Damned If I Don't_. Nope, don't own Stargate or the X-Men.

Dira dove behind the strut as one of the guards fired the zat gun in her direction. They had entered the warehouse on the tip that the Goauld had set up a base there and were slowly building up a power base. The report also said that the place was lightly guarded. The report lied, well, about the guards anyway. Another shot hit the wall beside her and she flinched away from the blast. She was all that was left of the team, the others had gone down.

The Queen stood at the center, her hand at Daniel's throat with the hand device at his throat. "Come any closer and this man dies," the woman proclaimed. Her mind whirled with a hundred possibilities. Daniel's terrified eyes told her that this was too real.

Daniel responded, "Why? You're just going to kill us anyway."

"I just want to live in peace, can't you understand that?" Dira slowly circled, trying to get behind her. Finally, she drew a bead on the Queen and almost fired. Unfortunately, they hadn't taken out all the guards and the result was quite painful.

Another voice sounded from upstairs, "All right, game's over, thanks Marina; we really appreciate your help in this." She turned and saluted Jack, a grin crossing her face. They watched as she crossed the warehouse and exited the building. The recruits formed up around Jack and Daniel. Dira, John, David, Jason, and Kristina all formed up around them. They feared the worst, this was a bad performance.

"Was that a real Queen?" she heard David ask.

Daniel looked up at the raw recruit; they were all fresh from the Air Force Academy. They were the best of their class. "Yes, that was Marina; she's the host of Chauinaya. Keep in mind that the Queens are the most powerful, and often the most arrogant, of the Goauld. They don't have to defend their station, that was determined when they were born."

"All right, kiddoes," Jack addressed them, "you know how you did. Let's get out to the jeeps and get back…" his train of thought was suddenly cut off as a scream was heard outside. They all hurried outside in time to see two blue aliens sling an unconscious Marina over one of their shoulders while the other picked up a rifle. They appeared to be arguing over the gun as Jack and Daniel approached them, motioning the others to stay behind them. In a feat unbelievably fast to their eyes, the one with the tail disappeared with a loud bamf and appeared behind the two men, knocking them out using some kind of ray gun. The creature grabbed Jack and left with Marina and the other creature in one of the trucks.

It had happened so fast that none of them had time to digest what was occurring, much less help. They ran over to Daniel. His prone body lay in the dirt, apparently unconscious. What attacked them looked alien, but something nagged at the back of her mind. Something about them seemed familiar. She was knocked out of her reverie as John stated the obvious, "Aliens have taken over Cheyenne Mountain."

After stowing Daniel's body in the back of one of the trucks, they headed back to base. All they knew was that Command was in trouble, and needed their help.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You know, if we had just waited until Dr. Jackson woke up, we would have found them by now," Jason complained. They had spent the past hour looking for the ladders that they knew led underground.

They knew they were around here somewhere, suddenly, from a distance they heard Kristina shout, "Over here!" Sure enough, there it was, and somehow they managed to get it open.

"Well, you managed to find it without me, good job," they heard, Daniel stood behind them swaying unsteadily on his feet. "Any idea what happened?" he continued. They shrugged; little blue men from Mars had seemed preposterous until an hour ago. They slowly climbed down the well into the bowels of the mountain, uncertain as to what they would find.

What they found was Anya, one of the Russian interpreters that had come with the Russian envoy earlier that day. She was terrified and jabbered at them in Russian. Daniel spoke gently to the woman, no need to overstress her. She was seven months pregnant with twins, and managed to calm her down. Even reminded her that she needed to speak English. Something else seemed odd about that to Dira, but she couldn't put her finger on it.

Her story was simple; she had been in the lab with Major Carter when the Wormhole alert sounded. No one thought anything about it since SG-7 was due back from a mission. When the alert sounded she stayed in the lab, and when the shooting started, she his in the access conduit. Probably the smart thing to do. They told her to return to the lab and stay there, she nodded and started back. Then they heard another scream. As they turned, a large gout of flame emerged from the lab. They ran back to find nothing but what looked like the backside of a small, purple dragon entering a vent.

"Well, that was… different," Daniel commented. "Was that a Dragon?" Kristina nodded, as the others fanned out. "Listen, I need to recover, why don't the rest of you go on recon, and I'll stay here. They nodded and left.

Halfway down the hall they remembered that Daniel was unarmed. They went back to the room to give him a gun, the room was empty.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Let me get this straight, the four of you are geniuses, and the best you can come up with is Slap Jack?" Jack asked, as four hands went for yet another jack.

"Hey, Kitty, no cheating with your power," Hank yelled, as her hand hit the jack first, again.

Kitty snorted, "NOT CHEATING HANK!!! Geez, big guy like that. Uh, Colonel, are you curious about something?"

"Yeah, I get why you're not in uniform, but do you need to keep looking pregnant?"

A snort sounded from the corner of the room as Kurt and Peter looked at him, "That's because she is pregnant. Oh, nice grab, by the way," Peter said, complimenting her. Several minutes before she had gone back through the wall and brought Daniel back with her.

"Hey, nice image inducer on the dragon. He actually looks like a dragon," Jack commented as Lockheed landed on her shoulder. Scott turned and looked at him. A man with ruby glasses, it looked very strange. "Oh, don't tell me he's actually…" four heads nodded as Lockheed took off again. His job was to set off various fires around the unsuspecting recruits.

"You do this every year?" Kitty asked as her hand slapped down again. "Why haven't you invited us before now?"

"Mostly because we hadn't realized you'd discovered space travel," General Hammond replied, entering the room, Jacob and Marina behind him. "How did you meet Selmak again?" he asked.

"It was his previous host. Excalibur, the team I was on at the time, was visiting Lilandra, Empress of the Shi'ar Empire. Well, Brian had promised me he'd drunk-proofed the plane," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "I got up one morning and they had gotten drunk one night and took off without me."

Jack looked at her questioningly, "Did they come back?"

"Well, they had to send the Starjammers after them. I was their pilot!" Laughter greeted this statement. "I spent three weeks as the 'honored guest' of the royal family. Selmak came visiting. We got along swimmingly. All right, Colonel, it's time for you to appear out of nowhere," she said, standing up.

Jack looked at her nervously, "Is it safe?" smothered laughter greeted the question.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The recruits came across Colonel O'Neill by accident. The dragon-thing had let off another gout of flame and disappeared. When the air cleared they found him on his back coming around. "Colonel, are you all right?" Dira asked.

"I'll live," he replied, he looked around. "Look, I'll tell you what I think happened. I think a System Lord got in. Although, why he hasn't left now that he has a Queen?" he shrugged, eloquently. At least tried to anyway.

Jack picked himself up off the floor and they continued down the hall way. As they approached the command room, they noticed that a large man clad entirely in armor loomed over the occupants of table, arms folded over his chest. "Tell me vat I vant to know," he demanded. His Russian accent very thick, Goauld voice fully voiced.

Colonel O'Neill signaled to them to move closer, "Remember, don't hit any of the hostages, especially Anya, let's not tempt fate and cause a miscarriage." They nodded and stormed the room, most of the hostages ducked, except Anya. The steel man grabbed her and pulled her into his arms hand wrapped around her neck. Her breathing quickened as panic ran through her body.

Dira waved her hands at him, "Hey, look, if you want a hostage, take me. Let her go." The tension mounted as everyone was afraid to move.

Suddenly, behind her, someone started clapping. They turned and saw General Hammond standing behind them. "I think this group passed too, Colonel." Their mouths dropped as the steel man let go of the woman and powered down. They watched in amazement as he put his arm around her and kissed her.

"Ladies, Gentlemen, meet the X-Men. Cyclops, Colossus, Shadowcat, Nightcrawler, Beast, and Lockheed," he finished. "Our 'aliens' are actually mutants, well, except the dragon. Thank you everyone for your cooperation.

"Anytime, General," Nightcrawler replied. "All you have to do is ask," and he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

This was fun to write, I hope you enjoy!


End file.
